


Hiraeth (dreamsmp)

by inthebathroom



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Amnesia, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Ghosts, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Manipulation, Murder, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27957779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inthebathroom/pseuds/inthebathroom
Summary: Hiraeth is a funny word that doesn't quite translate perfectly into English. The closest meaning is a homesickness for a home you can never return to.Tommyinnit has been stuck in exile for so long, and human contact is the highlight of his day. Even Dream, the man who he once hated, he now considers to be his friend. After all, a friend who pushes him around is better than no friend at all.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Floris | Fundy & TommyInnit, Floris | Fundy & Wilbur Soot, Ranboo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 54
Kudos: 755





	1. Prologue: Theseus' Lament

**Author's Note:**

> TWs:  
> Manipulation, physical violence, murder, injury

Tommy found his feet dragging along the ground each morning when he woke up, as if the weight of the world was pushing down on him and he would crack from the stress at any moment. His one reprieve from all of it was Dream’s daily visits. There had been a time when he had claimed to hate the masked man, but Tommy couldn’t bring himself to do that anymore. After all, the man insisted they were friends. He had saved Tommy’s life multiple times. So what if he was a little pushy sometimes? Tommy could handle that if it meant having someone to talk to other than Ghostbur.

That morning, when Dream came, Tommy found himself grinning, already taking off his armour and digging the pit that Dream would inevitably ask him to throw it into. He couldn’t see Dream’s expression because of the mask, but Tommy liked to think he was impressed with what had been done. He wanted Dream to be impressed, because he was nicer when Tommy made him proud. He didn’t joke around and leave Tommy hanging from the edge of the nether bridge over the lava below.

He couldn’t help but wonder if today was the day Dream would finally let him go back home. Not forever, even if he wished that was possible, but just for a day. Just so he could see Tubbo, Ranboo, and Fundy. Even the sight of Eret seemed appealing right now.

Finally, Dream spoke, “Good job, Tommy. Thank you for cooperating with me. It really makes my life so much easier.”

Tommy, glowing with pride, laughed, “Well, really it’s nothing. I mean, it’s the least I could do, really.” He didn’t care anymore that Dream wore full netherite armour while he only wore one shoe and rags for clothes. He didn’t care that Dream was keeping him here and that every logical part of his brain screamed not to trust him. Instead, he focused on the good. There was so little good left in Tommy’s life that even the good that came with strings attached seemed like kindness.

“Of course. I mean, it’s just a small thing that I have to ask you as your friend.” Dream put his hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Now that we’ve got that over with, what is it that you’re planning on doing today?”

That was a common question. After all, when Tommy had first arrived, he had an extensive to-do list he had planned to complete during his time in exile, but there wasn’t much left. The path through the nether was as safe as it could get, even decorated. Tommy had hoped that a more appealing setting would bring more visitors, but after a while everyone but Dream had stopped showing up. That didn’t stop Tommy from writing letters to Ranboo every day, and staring at his compass, hoping Tubbo would show up at any moment.

“I dunno,” Tommy frowned, “Hey Dream?”

Dream tilted his head quizzically, “Yes?”

“What day is it today? I’ve lost track of time. Kind of difficult to tell when every day is the same.”

Dream chuckled, “Tommy, do you really not know? It’s December 24th.”

“Christmas Eve?”

Dream simply nodded, still chuckling under his breath as if there was something funny about this.

Tommy was incredulous, his mind a blur of activity as he tried to figure out if Dream was lying to him. How could it already be Christmas Eve? He found himself staring at the Christmas tree, wondering if anyone would bother visiting him tomorrow, or if he’d be allowed to return to L’manberg for the day. He thought for a moment on whether he should ask.

“You’ve got something on your mind, Tommy. What is it?”

Tommy was startled out of his thoughts by Dream's voice, and he shrugged, “Oh it’s nothing. Just thinking.”

“Bullshit.”

“What?”

Dream shook his head, “I said that’s bullshit, Tommy. Tell me what’s on your mind. Friends are supposed to trust each other with all of their thoughts. Don’t you trust me, Tommy?”

“Of… Of course I do.”

“Then tell me.”

Tommy nodded, biting his lip, not noticing the pain as his teeth bit down too hard and blood dripped down his chin. “I was just thinking about how much I miss Tubbo and the others, and… well, you know.” He made a gesture towards the portal. “I was wondering if you’d made a decision on whether or not I can come back to L’manberg for the day tomorrow. See all my friends and shit.”

Dream thought for a moment, and then nodded. “Alright, Tommy. You can return to L’manberg for one day. From midnight until 11:59 PM I will allow you to walk the streets freely, but the minute the clock hits 12:00 AM signalling the start of December twenty-sixth, you will be hunted down and killed if you haven’t returned to your exile. Do you understand?”

Tommy’s eyes were wide with excitement, and he nodded estactically, “Of course! You won’t know I was even there, promise. No explosions or anything. Nothing but peace and quiet.”

“Good. Now, you had better get together gifts for everyone, right? You wouldn’t want to be seen as a bad guest.”

“Fuck,” Tommy cursed, “I hadn’t thought of that. What am I even supposed to get them that they don’t already have? I have nothing to give.”

“Well, you do have a few things,” Dream said, giving a nod to Tommy’s tent and the ender chest inside it.

“What do you mean?” Tommy asked quickly, “I have absolutely nothing of value in there. Nothing but Spirit’s sad lonely corpse and some stupid iron.”

“I know about the new discs, Tommy,” Dream laughed, “Look, all I’m saying, is they’re taking a big risk allowing you back there. Tubbo at least deserves a present to match. Plus, you don’t really think you of all people deserve the disks, do you? After all you’ve done?”

Tommy stared at the ground. Dream was right. The discs made other people happy. Tommy couldn’t think of almost a single time he hadn’t been cheered up by sitting on the bench with Tubbo and listening to music as they looked out at the world. Tubbo deserved that happiness after all Tommy had made him deal with. 

“Yeah,” Tommy mumbled, “Okay. I’ll give Tubbo another of my discs. But what about everyone else?”

“I’ll help you with that, Tommy,” Dream said, voice calm and steady, as if the insult from a minute ago hadn’t even happened, “That’s what friends are for. You’re in a bad spot, so I’ll make gifts for everyone else and put your name on them. That way it makes you look good.”

“You’d do that for me?”

“Of course I would, Tommy! Even if those people aren’t exactly the nicest to you when you aren’t around, you still think of them as friends. I wouldn’t want to ruin your image even more than you already have.”

“What?”

Dream shook his head with a laugh, “Don’t you get it, Tommy? You being exiled has solved everyone’s problems. L’manberg has been at peace. Everyone has been so happy since you’ve been gone. They’ve all been talking about how glad they are that you left.”

“No,” Tommy said, face pale, “Tubbo wouldn’t do that, neither would Ranboo. Fundy and Big Q as well. They’re all my friends. They all agreed with me when I… when I wanted to go to war with you. Other than Tubbo, I mean, but—”

“Tommy, they lied to you.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“You think I don’t know Fundy? I know everything about Fundy. I know how he operates. He and Quackity were just going along with your plan because they didn’t want to look like cowards.” Tommy had a funny feeling Dream was smiling behind his mask. “What they failed to realize, Tommy, is that you’re the biggest coward out of all of them. You run from every problem that you can’t fight. You tried to run when your friendship with Tubbo started failing. You, Tommyinnit, are a coward.”

“I know.”

“Good. Now, come on. We have a lot of gifts to wrap for your so-called friends.”

The job had them working late into the night. It wouldn’t have taken nearly as long if Ghostbur hadn’t showed up halfway through, insisting that they unwrap all the presents and put a little bit of blue in each of them. Tommy’s fingers were aching from shakily wrapping each package, having to redo the wrapping each time Dream said it looked sloppy.

“Come on,” he would say, “you don’t want them to think you don’t care about them. I mean, really. They all deserve better than a shitty wrapping job. You owe them that.”

By the time Dream was satisfied, he took a glance at the watch he wore on his wrist, and declared that it was eleven at night and that they had better get going because they had a long trek through the nether ahead of them.

Tommy nearly fell to the ground when he stood up to follow Dream to the portal. He had been sitting for so long that his legs prickled as if they had fallen asleep. He tried to catch himself, but was harshly yanked upwards by Dream’s gloved hand.

“Thank you,” Tommy said, straightening up and rubbing the spot on his arm that the masked man’s hand had closed around so harshly. If he didn’t know better, he would be worried that his shoulder had been pulled out of its socket.

Dream just nodded in response, before walking ahead towards the portal that glowed with an eerie purple light. He rested his hand on the obsidian frame, turning back to stare at Tommy as if telling him to hurry up. Not for the first time, Tommy found himself wondering how in the world the man saw through his mask. None of his facial features were visible, and there were no obvious holes in the thing. Was it made of a type of one-way glass or something? Tommy couldn’t imagine that being very comfortable to wear all day.

“Well, Tommy?” Dream asked, and Tommy got a feeling that the man’s eyebrow was raised behind the mask, “are you coming, or should I revoke my invitation?”

“No!” Tommy said quickly, scrambling forward towards the portal and rushing through, too eager. He almost found himself falling off the edge, straight into the lava, but Dream’s hand caught him and the man’s head shook calmly.

Ghostbur followed through and sighed at Tommy, “You have you be more careful, you know,” he said, voice echoing through the cavern as if bouncing off of invisible walls, “I don’t want you to join me, Tommy. You have a good life ahead of you.”

“Yeah, right,” Tommy muttered under his breath., though by Ghostbur’s confused expression, he guessed his sad thought had been heard.

If Dream heard what Tommy had said, he didn’t seem to care. Instead, he was humming a little song as he yanked Tommy back upwards. He gestured with his head towards the bridge.

Tommy couldn’t help but smile as he rubbed his throbbing hand, and followed Dream down the bridge, Ghostbur following after, looking worried.

It wasn’t long before Tommy was panting and sweating, the heat of the nether getting to him. For some reason, Dream didn’t seem that bothered. Maybe it was all that practice he had gotten over the years. Ghostbur, of course, didn’t really feel the heat. He had told Tommy multiple times, even on the hottest day, that he always felt cold, as if nothing could ever warm him up. Was death really that cold? It was an odd thought. Tommy had always pictured that after death a person would feel normal, but a little bit lighter, as if they would float away if not actively holding themselves to the ground.

And so, the three of them forged ahead, occasionally navigating through a group of zombie piglins or dodging a fireball sent towards them by a screeching ghast. At one point, Tommy’s pant leg caught fire, and he had ripped it off, crying as his hand burned from the heat. He found himself staring at the blisters on his hand, thankful for Dream’s promises that they would treat the burn once they arrived in L’manberg.

The portal grew visible in the distance, and Tommy’s eyes lit up, for a moment regaining the stubborn light they had slowly lost during his time in exile. Then, he remembered Dream’s words and his joy faded a bit. Would his friends be as happy to see him as he was to see them? Their lives were so much better without him, weren’t they. Maybe he should just turn around and… no. Tommy had to believe that they still cared about him. They would be happy to see him. They would—

“Here we are. The portal. Why don’t you hand me the gifts?” Dream asked.

Tommy frowned, “Why? Aren’t I going to give them to my friends?”

“Of course you are, Tommy,” Dream chuckled, “I’m just going to hold them for you so that your hands are free when you go through. Plus, that can’t feel great pressing into your burn.”

Tommy held the gifts reluctantly, and then held it out to Dream. He stared at the portal with a small grin creeping onto his face. He was going home.

Before he could react, he was on the ground, a foot pressing down on him from above. Tommy cried out in pain as his burned hand hit the ground, blisters popping and blood running on the hot ground, irritating his hand even moreso.

“Dream,” Tommy said, voice choked due to the air being knocked harshly out of his lungs, “what are you doing? What did I do wrong?”

“Oh, Tommy,” Dream laughed, “You’re too naive. Honestly. For someone who’s seen so much war, you’re completely oblivious when you’re walking into a trap.”

“You… you said you were my fucking friend.”

“I lied! Tommy, really. At first, I thought you were too smart to fall for my act. Seriously, I mean, what kind of friend hurts you like I did? But then I remembered; that’s all your friends ever do! Eret, Quackity, Technoblade, Wilbur. Even Tubbo. They all hurt you so much, that my lies fit right in with the rest of your story.”

Tommy struggled to escape from under Dream’s foot, but found himself being pushed back down, face slammed into the red hot Earth so hard that Tommy was fairly sure his braces cut into the side of his mouth. After all, he tasted blood in his mouth.

“Technoblade was right, you know,” Dream spat, his words harsh.

Ghostbur, who had been watching in horror, frozen in place, suddenly snapped out of his fear. “Techno? Tommy, what is he talking about?”

“Fuck if I know,” Tommy growled, blood spraying from his mouth as he did.

“Oh but you do know, Tommy,” Dream laughed, “I know you. You haven’t been able to forget what he said, have you? You’ve been wondering why his words are ringing so true for your life.”

Dream was right. The Theseus comparison had been plaguing his mind ever since the exile. After all, Techno had said that Theseus was a hero who was exiled by his own people. Tommy didn’t feel much like a hero at the moment, but still. It seemed to match up too well.

“Theseus,” Tommy muttered.

“What?” Ghostbur asked, eyebrows furrowing, “Tommy, who is Theseus?”

Tommy could swear Dream was smiling under that mask of his, “Ah, but Tommy. Techno didn’t tell you how Theseus’ story ends, did he?”

“He… he said Theseus died in disgrace, hated by his own people,” Tommy said, confused, “but—”

“But what he didn’t tell you, Tommy, is the details of it all,” Dream gestured towards the cliff, an inch away from Tommy’s face, that led to the sea of lava below, “He sailed away to an island but was killed by the king of that island. Do you want to know how it happened?”

“No,” Tommy groaned, “I just want to see my fucking friends. Let me up.”

“Tommy, you really are an idiot,” Dream laughed, “From the top of a cliff, the king, Lycomedes, cast Theseus into the sea where he died. I have every intention of being the Lycomedes to your Theseus.”

“Dream, no!” Ghostbur said, “Tommy’s only sixteen. He doesn’t deserve to die. What is it you want? I have some blue, surely that will make you feel better.”

“I don’t want your stupid fucking blue dye, Wilbur,” Dream yelled, “I want Tommy dead for his crimes against me!”

And with that, Tommy felt himself go weightless for a moment, the ground beneath him gone, and then he began to fall towards the lava below. He twisted midair in time to see Dream staring down at him, and Ghostbur screaming in horror as he fell. He heard another scream too, but it couldn’t have come from Dream. There was nobody else in the Nether. The noise was coming from him.

Time seemed to slow as tears streaked Tommy’s face. He wondered, for a moment, what it would feel like to die. Would he come back like Wilbur had, with only happy memories? That would be nice. If that was the case, maybe death wasn’t such a bad thing. There was so much in Tommy’s life that he wished he could forget.

Then, he felt the searing agony for a moment, before his eyes closed, and he was consumed by the black void, vision failing him. He could hear the world for a few more seconds before everything was completely gone. Ghostbur’s screams and sobs mixed with Dream’s terrifying laughter as he was left to die.

Everything was black, and the pain that Tommy had felt moments before was gone. He felt weightless, and even his thoughts seemed to float away the moment they popped into his mind. It was like Ghostbur had described, no Heaven, no Hell. Nothing except him and the void. For a brief moment, he wondered if Technoblade would miss him now that he was gone, or if he’d feel nothing but a sense of satisfaction in the fact that he’d been right.

Yes, everything was weightless and there was nothing to see. Tommy couldn’t help but think that death was rather boring and anti-climactic. He laughed at this thought, and the hollow noise echoed through the void. Everything was incredibly dull and lifeless…

...Until it wasn’t. There was no coming back from this death, Tommy knew that, but here he stood in the middle of Logsteadshire, mind racing with confusion as he tried to fill in the missing pieces of his life. There was so much that he couldn’t remember. Then, he looked down at his hands, expecting to see the burn mark, and realized his skin was a pale, translucent grey. He was a ghost, just like… like…

Why couldn’t he remember?


	2. The Burden of Atlas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Manipulation, injury, mentions of violence, panic attack, mentions of death

Tubbo found himself waking up each morning, the burden of everything he’d done weighing down on him a little more than each day in the past. He was too young to be dealing with everything that was being thrown at him at the moment. He was supposed to be Tommy’s friend, but here he was, forcing his own right hand man into exile. It had been weeks, and he had told himself every day that it would get easier. That he had made the right choice for the nation. It didn’t get easier.

He realized, looking at the clock placed on his desk, that it was 12:15 on Christmas morning. How had he lost track of time like that? He had been working late into the night, looking over his campaign advertising. He couldn’t help but wish Tommy was here to run with him, but he wasn’t. He was gone and it was Tubbo’s fault.

With a sigh, he began tidying the papers on his desk and putting them in neat piles. There were probably a few spelling errors, but it was fine, he’d have his cabinet members look over it after the holidays were over. For now, all he wanted to do was go to sleep so he’d be at least somewhat awake for the festivities tomorrow. That’s exactly what he had been planning to do, when he heard a knock at his door.

Who on Earth would be awake at this hour? With a frown, Tubbo dragged himself up from the desk and over to the door. The knocking hadn’t stopped. Groaning, he opened it, and blinked a couple of times waiting for his visitor to come into focus.

The first thing Tubbo noticed was the mask. I mean, a giant painted smile in your face could be rather jarring. Next, he saw a pile of wrapped boxes in the man’s arms. Gifts?

“Uh, hello, Dream,” he said, mentally cursing as a yawn crept into his voice. His eyelids were heavy over his eyes in his tiredness, “What brings you to the White House?”

“I came to deliver some gifts from Tommy,” Dream said, walking right past Tubbo and placing the boxes in the middle of the desk. “You understand, of course, that I couldn’t allow him to come for Christmas.”

Tubbo’s eyebrows shot up, as he was suddenly awake, “What? Why not, Dream? You’ve been saying all week that it seemed like he’d be able to come. You told us all not to visit because you were worried that seeing us before Christmas would make him rebellious and prevent this from happening. I’ve been taking your lead on this situation, and now he can’t even come?”

Dream shook his head, “Believe me, Mr. President, if there was another option, he would be here right now, but it just isn’t possible.”

“Why not?”

Dream sighed, as if wishing he didn’t have to tell the story, “Well I had told him that he could come. He seemed so excited, he spent all day picking out Christmas gifts and wrapping them. I’ll admit it, I let my guard down, it was foolish of me. On the way through the nether, he attempted to push me off of the bridge. He tried to kill me, Tubbo.”

Tubbo’s eyes were wide with horror and he stumbled back a couple of steps, “No. No, that can’t be right. Tommy would never do that, he was probably just… it must have been an accident.”

“I’m afraid not,” Dream shook his head. He pulled up the sleeves of his shirt to reveal marks that resembled divots left by fingernails digging into the skin. Some of them were still slightly bloody and in the process of scabbing over. “I only managed to get out of the situation because… well, let’s just say that wasn’t the first time someone made an attempt on my life. Tommy is under complete lockdown until further notice. No visitors allowed whatsoever, for their own safety.”

Tubbo’s eyes welled with tears, but he choked back an angry sob and nodded. “Of course. For the safety of the people.”

“Thank you for understanding, Tubbo. I truly hope you can look past this and have a Merry Christmas despite it all. Now, I understand that it’s late, so I’ll leave you be. I trust this will not impact the relationship between the SMP land and L’manberg.”

“Of course not. You don’t deserve to be punished for Tommy’s actions. He may be my friend, but I do not support his choices in the slightest. I stand with you, Dream.”

“I’m glad,” Dream muttered, turning towards the door, “Goodnight, Mr. President. You know where to find me if you need me.

The door swung shut with a click, and Tubbo fell to his knees, trying to process the information he had been given. Tommy had attempted murder? That was… well, maybe it wasn’t too hard to believe, but still. It was awful. Tubbo found himself pulling out the compass from his pocket, and staring at the needle, pointing without fail towards Tommy’s tent in Lodsteadshire. The glow almost seemed to have dimmed, but that was definitely his imagination. After all, that didn’t make logical sense.

“He was lying, you know,” came an echoing voice that startled him into dropping his compass and standing up with a start. The compass clattered to the ground, and Tubbo reached down to pick it up, sighing with relief when it wasn’t broken.

Standing in the corner of the room was Ghostbur, looking a lot sadder than usual. He usually wore a small smile, but now… it almost looked like he’d been crying.

“Oh, Wilbur!” Tubbo said, hastily putting the compass away, “I didn’t see you there. What—”

“That was kind of the point. I don’t think Dream would have been so nice if he knew I wasn’t in the nether anymore,” Ghostbur said, “considering that he just blatantly lied to you. That was rather rude, but I’m beginning to think that he’s just a rude guy.”

Tubbo glanced around, making sure Dream had actually left, “Wilbur, you can’t say that. Our nations are currently allied. You can’t just insult him.”

“I reckon that I can, because he’s a dirty fucking liar.”

“Why is he a liar?” Tubbo asked, taking a few steps forward to see Wilbur’s face more clearly.

“Well, you see, he wasn’t lying about the present thing. When I got there, they were wrapping presents. Well, Tommy was wrapping presents. Dream was watching and being rather critical. But then I said, ‘wait, Tommy! Unwrap those, we need to add some blue!’ and he was really frustrated about it, but he did because Dream said it was a good idea. And—”

“Wilbur, please, we don’t have all night. Can you skip ahead a little?”

“Oh, right!” Ghostbur nodded, “So Tommy and Dream went through the nether portal, and Tommy almost fell off the cliff, but Dream grabbed him and yanked him back. It was weird, now that I think about it, Tommy kept acting like his arm was hurt afterwards. I kind of assumed it was an accident, but after what happened, I am sure it definitely wasn’t.”

“Wait, Dream hurt Tommy?” Tubbo asked, “He didn’t say anything about that. If Dream was doing that the whole time, that totally justifies what Tommy did. I should call and emergency cabinet meeting—”

“Tubbo, it’s past midnight and I’m not finished.”

“Right,” Tubbo apologized, “sorry about that. Please, continue.”

“So We were walking through the nether, and at one point Tommy’s pants caught fire, and I expected Dream to help because he had on special gloves, but he didn’t and Tommy burned his hand getting it off,” Ghostbur explained, “Dream said they’d get it treated when we got to L’manberg.”

Tubbo felt anger rising in his chest now, “You’re telling me that Dream left Tommy alone on that island, with a burn wound, and then blamed everything on him? I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“Well, about that,” Ghostbur said, “when we got to the portal, Dream took the presents from Tommy. He kicked Tommy to the ground and started talking about Technoblade and Theseus. Then…” Ghostbur’s voice became strained, “...he pushed Tommy off the cliff.”

“What? Where is he? Is he okay? I have to go help him, oh my god.”

“Tubbo.”

“What is it, Wilbur? I have to go help Tommy. God, I never should have exiled him. He was right, wasn’t he?”

“Tubbo, he fell into the lava.”

No. This wasn’t happening. This was some kind of sick nightmare. It wasn’t real.

“Dream murdered my brother.”

Tubbo’s entire world came crashing down around him as he found himself on the ground. Tears blurred his vision and his body shook with sobs. Tommy was dead. Tommy was dead and it was his fault. It was his fault because he had sent Tommy away. Tommy had been trying to help and Tubbo had repaid him by forcing him to leave the nation he had helped build. He was vaguely aware of Ghostbur’s voice echoing through the room, but he couldn’t make out the words. His own heartbeat was too loud and he was too focused on struggling to breathe.

He vaguely recalled the story of a titan called Atlas, a wise man and the founder of astrology. As a punishment for his part in the war between the gods and titans, Atlas was forced to carry the burden of holding up the sky. Tubbo imagined that Atlas felt a bit like this. Like the weight of everything was crushing him slowly and he couldn’t breathe. He was forced to live with his wrongdoings and was punished harshly for them. Tubbo thought that maybe he could relate to the guy. Technoblade would have been proud of the comparison.

As far as Tubbo knew, Atlas and Theseus had never interacted in the myths, but still… it was almost poetic. Theseus and Atlas, two people who had done what they thought was best for the world, but ultimately received only punishment for it. It wasn’t at all fair, but then again, when had Tommy and Tubbo ever had a fair life?

Suddenly, a hand much too solid to be Ghostbur’s rested on his shoulder, and Tubbo felt his eyes focus and the shaking lessen. He turned to see Philza, eyes grim, and he flung his arms around the man, sobbing into his shoulder. He couldn’t help but feel wrong for doing this. After all, Tommy’s death had been his fault, and Philza was Tommy’s father. He should have been apologizing and comforting Philza, but his fear and sadness got the better of him.

“It’s my fault,” Tubbo wailed, sniffling as he clung to Phil’s uniform, “It’s my fault Tommy’s dead!”

“Of course it isn’t, Tubbo.” Phil tightened their embrace and rubbed his back in a way that was oddly comforting in a fatherly way. “All of this is Dream’s fault. He’s been manipulating you this whole time, I bet. Probably Tommy as well. Getting both of you to trust his word without hesitation. Fucking disgusting.”

“But… but Phil, if I hadn’t exiled him, Dream wouldn’t have—”

“Wouldn’t have what? Had the chance to kill Tommy? If he hadn’t had this occasion, there would have been another. Dream may be an asshole, but he isn’t stupid. He knows how to get his way with things.” Philza paused, and his eyes got a faraway look. “The only other person I’ve met who can do that as well as he can, is Techno. Wilbur was alright, of course, but Techno and Dream? They’re in a league of their own. It’s almost as if the universe intended them to be enemies.”

“But they aren’t enemies. Technoblade hasn’t made a single move against Dream this whole time,” Tubbo frowned, pulling back.

“Tubbo, what you need to know about Techno, is that he likes to tease people,” he said, his tone lowering, “He called Tommy a loser because they’re… they were brothers. Brothers fight sometimes. I have to admit, my family’s fights are a lot more dramatic than most, but every family fights occasionally. Families are messy, especially when they have conflicting beliefs and goals, but they’re still family, and they love each other, even if they won’t admit it. Techno is one of the most protective people I have ever met, and even if he’s rude, he won’t stand for this. He would burn the SMP to the fucking ground if that was what it took to get revenge for Tommy’s death, believe me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. He’s not a fan of government most of the time, and he does have a slight vendetta against you, but for the moment you have a common interest. When we’re done righting Dream’s wrongs, he’ll go back to retirement.”

“But… first we have to tell him,” Tubbo guessed.

“Well he can’t exactly do anything if he doesn’t know what’s happened.”

“Will he even let me anywhere near him? How do I know he won’t kill me on sight?”

“Because,” Phil said with a sad smile, “You’ll be with me and Wilbur.”

It was just then that Tubbo remembered something, “Ghostbur! You’re here!”

Ghostbur nodded, although he still looked sad, cradling some blue in his hands. “I am here, Tubbo. Thank you for noticing.”

“No! I mean, you’re still around, even though you’re dead! Tommy might still be somewhere on the server! We can still have him around, even if he only has happy memories. It’s better than nothing, right?”

Phil glanced between Tubbo and Ghostbur, biting his lip as if unsure of what to say. “Tubbo, we don’t understand why Wilbur is back after death, or why he remembers what he does. Schlatt isn’t back, so we can’t be sure that Tommy would come back either.”

“No,” Tubbo shook his head, “Tommy would come back. He’s so connected to this entire world. He’s got too much unfinished business. Plus, Schlatt had a heart attack. Both Tommy and Wilbur were murdered. Maybe that means something.”

“Maybe,” Phil said, though he still looked doubtful, “If he is, we’ll find him, but for now we have to pay Techno a visit. He needs to know about all of this.”

It wasn’t exactly what Tubbo had planned to be doing on Christmas morning, let alone at just past one, but it was necessary. The group traveled in a line, Phil leading the way, Tubbo in the middle, and Ghostbur taking up the rear. The walk was long and Tubbo’s feet ached from walking very quickly. It also didn’t help that Techno lived in the snow, and he wasn’t at all dressed for the cold. The frost nipped at his toes and he could barely hold his bow in order to shoot at the nearby skeletons, creepers, and zombies.

Ghostbur didn’t seem at all bothered by the cold. He said something about how he was always cold, so he couldn’t really tell the difference. Tubbo, not for the first time, was very glad he wasn’t a ghost. The experience seemed rather unenjoyable to be honest. At least the happy memories part wasn’t too bad. If the only sad thing Ghostbur had to deal with was Tommy’s death… well, it wasn’t ideal, but still, it had to be nice.

Every way Tubbo turned, he thought he saw Tommy’s face reflecting off the snow. Every time he blinked, Tommy was gone. Great, he thought, not only was his best friend dead, but he was going crazy with grief. He really just couldn’t catch a break.

“We’re getting close,” Phil announced after what must have been a few hours' travel, though Tubbo had no idea how he could tell. The snow all looked the same to him, aside from what they’d marred with their footprints as they trudged along like sorry members of a funeral procession.

“I still don’t understand why we couldn’t just go through the nether,” Ghostbur said with a frown, his voice echoing even while outside, although there was nothing for it to bounce off of.

“Dream doesn’t think I know Tommy’s dead,” Tubbo explained, “and he wants to keep it that way. If people find out he murdered a sixteen year old, he loses everyone that was on his side. They may put up with a lot of twisted things, but even they can’t condone child murder. He’ll have the portal heavily guarded. We wouldn’t be able to get through.”

“Oh.”

They walked in silence for a few more minutes before Tubbo’s eyes locked onto a little building in the middle of the snow. Phil’s pace picked up, confirming Tubbo’s suspicions. This had to be Technoblade’s house. Nobody else would be out here in the middle of nowhere.

He broke into a sprint, trying to keep up with Phil who had gotten a ways ahead of them, and together, they knocked on the door.

“Come in,” a voice grunted, and they pushed the door open to reveal the interior of the place. It was cozier than Tubbo would have expected, but also very practical. Techno himself was sitting in a chair beside a crackling fire, looking rather relaxed until he saw Tubbo and his lips curled into a smirk.

“Ah, Mr. President. What brings you here? Begging for my help to win some sort of war? I’ve done the whole helpful thing, and it didn’t end up great for anybody, if you recall.”

“Techno—” Phil cut in.

“Hey, Phil. Look, you and Ghostbur can come around whenever you like, but you better have a damn good reason for bringing a government official to my home.”

“It’s about Tommy.”

Techno froze for a moment, as if worried, but quickly hid the emotion as if trying not to show weakness. “What? You want me to lay off the teasing? Come on, you know I don’t mean it. I have every intention of helping my brother as soon as I hear him say the words ‘you were right, technoblade.’ I mean, really. Exiled by his own best friend? Guess they should call me the oracle of Delphi, because apparently that thing I told him about Theseus was a prophecy.”

“Moreso than any of us wanted,” Tubbo added quietly.

“You’re the one who exiled my brother. This is why I say the government is bad. All you people do is wear fancy suits and make life worse for the people you’re in charge of. Tommy trusted you, and you betrayed him!”

“I DIDN’T WANT HIM DEAD!”

The room was silent for a moment, before Technoblade stood, towering over Tubbo, a glint of anger in his eyes. “What?”

“Tommy is dead,” Tubbo said, the pain washing over him again, “Dream killed him. Wilbur saw it happen. He told me everything.”

Techno cursed under his breath, then immediately began grabbing different weapons. “I’m going to kill that green bastard for what he did to my little brother.”

“Not that I’m at all against you here, but we need a plan first,” Tubbo said, reaching for Techno’s arm before thinking better of it and pulling away. “I know we don’t exactly like each other, but Tommy was my best friend. Not a day has gone by since the exile that I haven’t regretted my decision and wanted to take it back. Plus, I have manpower on my side. You can’t do this alone.”

“Yes I can.”

“No!” Tubbo yelled, frustration and sorrow edging their way into his voice, “We have to put our differences aside and come together. It’s what Tommy would have wanted.”

A bitter laugh echoed through the room, almost like Ghostbur’s voice, but not nearly soft enough. Tubbo stared around, unable to pinpoint the sound.

“Tell me why, exactly, you think I want either of you avenging me.”

And there he was, a figure above them, grey and devoid of life, but unmistakably Tommy. Tubbo wanted to throw his arms around the ghost of his friend then and there, but the anger in his eyes and tone was evident.

“Tommy, what—”

“Yeah, right,” the ghost snorted, “the two people who betrayed Tommy, who betrayed me the most, suddenly want to get all buddy buddy and cry over me. Don’t pretend you ever cared about me, either of you.”

Then, his eyes landed on Ghostbur, and his face went through a series of emotions very quickly, “You… Wilbur, you’re back too.”

“Tommy, I’ve been back for ages! Remember, we went on holiday together. Lads on tour! Logsteadshire!”

Tommy shook his head, confused, “No. I haven’t seen you since you died. I was in Logsteadshire with…” he frowned as if trying to remember, “...nobody. I was alone except for Dream.”

Ghostbur looked confused, “Tommy, what? That’s not true!”

Tubbo turned to stare at Phil, and muttered, “I don’t think he has only happy memories like Ghostbur does. In fact, it seems like he only remembers the bad things.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go guys! I've been on a roll with this fic. Honestly, I'm really enjoying this story, and I'm glad you guys have been telling me how much you've liked my writing! I'm actually already working on the third chapter as I upload this. Updates might not always be every day, but you can expect them to be fairly frequent!


	3. The Cruelty of Thanatos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is rather awkward this year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Panic attack, mentions of death

Tommy glared at Tubbo, lifeless eyes holding more anger than one would think a ghost could emote. “Of course I don’t just remember the bad things. I remember absolutely everything, okay? You guys are all just assholes. I mean, really, you’re acting like we were friends of some shit.”

“Tommy, we were friends!” Tubbo’s voice was desperate, like he was actually upset about all of this. For a moment, Tommy wanted to listen, but then he shook his head. He was never friends with Tubbo. Tubbo was just someone who lied to him and sent him packing.

Still, a small voice in his mind reminded him of something he had said when he had been exiled from L’manberg. ‘You’re my friend.’ Why would he say that to someone he didn’t care about.

He winced, causing alarm from everyone in the room, except for Ghostbur who just nodded, “You’re trying to remember, aren’t you? It hurts to remember the things your brain has buried. It helped me to write it down in a book. I think I have a spare, do you want one?”

“I don’t need a dumb book to help me remember anything,” Tommy growled, “I remember everything perfectly.”

“No, Tommy,” Phil shook his head, “You don’t. Tubbo, Techno, and Wilbur are not your enemies. They’re telling the truth. Trust them.”

“Okay, sure. I’ll just listen to a man I’ve never met,” Tommy said sarcastically, but something inside of him just screamed that he knew the man, “All I know is that your name is Phil and you killed Wilbur. Sure, Wilbur was being an asshole, but I didn’t want him to fucking die.”

Phil shook his head in disbelief, “Tommy, you know me.”

He snorted, “No I don’t”

“Yes, you do.” Everyone was nodding now, as if Tommy was the dumb one rather than these pricks, “Tommy, you should listen to Wilbur. He has experience with being a ghost. He knows what he’s talking about.”

“I’m not listening to any shit that anyone says until you explain why you seem to think you know me.”

Phil seemed pained as he said these next few words, “Tommy, I’m your father.”

Tommy shook his head, “No. No, you can’t be my father because… because…”

“See!” Tubbo piped up, “There are gaps in your memory, aren’t there? We can help you remember!”

“Maybe I don’t want your help,” Tommy said bitterly, “Cause you could be lying to me like Dream was. He said he was my friend, my only friend, and then he fucking murdered me.”

“He’s been lying to me too,” Tubbo admitted, “He told me you had tried to kill him. The only reason I know better is because Ghostbur told me what really happened. He saw everything.”

Tommy turned to Ghostbur, disbelief still evident on his face, “If you were really there, then what did Dream tell me before he pushed me off that cliff.”

“He told you that he had every intention of being the Lycomedes to your Theseus,” Ghostbur said, voice shaky, “I don’t know what that means, but it’s what he said.”

“Fuck,” Tommy muttered, “You’re right. That’s not something you could just guess… but I don’t remember you being there.”

“I honestly think Tubbo is right. You only remember the bad things.”

The bitter laughter was back, and the echo made everyone in the room back up a little. It was kind of scary, “Of course. Just my fucking luck. I only get to remember the shitty things people have done to me.”

“Well,” Tubbo offered, “We can try to help you remember.”

“Thanks, I guess, but just… you’d think only remembering the bad things would leave a lot of gaps in my memory. The funny thing is, the story I remember is almost cohesive. Guess I must’ve had a pretty shitty life.”

Nobody spoke for a moment, but then Techno’s voice rang out for the first time since they’d all spotted Tommy floating up by the ceiling, “Yeah. You really did. A lot of people here did to be honest, Tommy. There’s so much that Wilbur doesn’t remember for that exact reason.”

“Come on. Let’s get you home,” Tubbo said, reaching his hand out for Tommy to take, “There’s a lot of people who have missed you. Ranboo, especially.”

“Who’s Ranboo?” Tommy asked, eying Tubbo’s hand hesitantly.

Tubbo forced a smile onto his face. It was obvious that he was covering something up. Tommy wasn’t stupid. “He’s your friend, Tommy. A good friend.”

“Well I guess he really must be if I can’t remember him at all.”

Tubbo nodded, “Yeah, of course. He’s a good friend.” Tommy thought he saw tears blurring Tubbo’s eyes, but he couldn’t be sure. He was probably wrong. Even if he and Tubbo really had been good friends, not everything could have been great. After all, the exile happened. Tubbo couldn’t completely be a good guy if he had sent Tommy away like that without a second thought.

A voice in the back of his mind seemed to whisper that maybe Tubbo was right. Maybe Tommy was the bad person. Maybe that’s why he only remembered bad things, because he was being punished.

He pushed that thought out of his mind rather quickly. “Do they know?” he asked, “Do they know I’m dead?”

“Considering that I just found out right before you showed up,” Techno muttered, “I hope not. If they told the entire country of L’manberg before they told me, your brother, I’m not going to be very happy.”

“They don’t know,” Ghostbur interjected, “Only us and Dream, but Dream doesn’t know that you guys know. He thinks he trapped me in the nether, but he didn’t.”

“What?” Phil stood up from the chair he was sitting in, “That man has the nerve to mess with two of my sons?”

Ghostbur turned to Tubbo, “I told you Dream was rude.”

Tubbo sighed, “You were right. I can’t believe I fell for his lies. As soon as L’manberg is prepared for war, I’m ending our alliance. Until then, he doesn’t have to know. If we lead him into a false sense of security, he won’t be ready. We can recruit Eret too.”

Tommy froze, and then shook his head, “I’m not working with Eret.”

Ghostbur nodded, “I agree with Tommy. I may not remember what he did, but the L’manberg song says ‘fuck Eret’ and songs don’t usually say that about good people. He’s not a good enough father for Fundy.”

“Fundy,” Tommy said, struggling to remember, “He’s your son, isn’t he? The one who disowned you, ran against you for president, and then tore down the walls and burned the flag. He… he was also there when I was exiled, but I think he was on my side then.”

“Yeah,” Tubbo muttered, “But, uh, Wilbur doesn’t know about the whole Schlatt thing, so maybe don’t bring that up.”

“What the fuck am I supposed to talk about then,” Tommy groaned, “I barely know anything. I’m just talking about the things that I remember.”

“Right,” Tubbo said with a frown, “Geez, this is going to be complicated. I just hope we can get you to remember things.”

“Well, you’ve already had Wilbur around,” Tommy pointed out, annoyance creeping into his tone of voice.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, why are you so hopeful that I’ll remember something? You said it yourself, Wilbur still doesn’t remember any of the bad things that he forgot.”

Ghostbur piped up, “That’s mainly by choice, actually. I don’t really like to dwell on the bad things. I think there’s a reason I don’t remember them, almost like the universe decided to give me a fresh start.”

Tommy’s eyes darted to the ground. If Wilbur thought there was a reason why he only remembered good things, the universe giving him a fresh start, did that mean he thought that Tommy only remembered bad things for a reason too? Did he think that Tommy deserved this? He needed a moment to think.

“Gee, thanks a lot, Wilbur,” he muttered, annoyed at how much even the quietest whisper echoed through the room. With a sigh, he floated out through the wall of the house, seeking the quiet. All that greeted him were muffled shouts from inside.

“He can pass through fucking walls?” asked Tubbo. Tommy could barely make out his voice, “Ghostbur, did you know he could do that? Can you do that?”

Ghostbur’s voice was a lot easier to hear, although it sounded as far away as ever, “I’ve never really tried. I prefer using doors anyways.”

Tommy sighed, and floated out of earshot, hating the feeling of not being firmly tethered to the ground. For years, he envied birds, wishing he had the freedom of flight, but being dead wasn’t exactly what he had in mind.

He leaned down to brush the snow with his finger tips, but his brain was elsewhere so his fingers simply slipped through, not leaving even so much as a mark. The only thing that marred the perfect white snow was the footprints of Tubbo and Phil, and even those were being slowly erased by the incoming flurries of snow.

Tommy wished he could feel the cold numbing his bare skin, but it was as if the weather didn’t affect him at all. The only cold he could feel almost seemed to be radiating from inside of him, and it was constant, not varying with temperature.

Suddenly, the emotions he had been feeling hit him, and he hugged himself with his arms, trying not to scream. His efforts didn’t last long, and his voice must’ve echoed for miles. Then, everything broke down. Everything he’d been holding in because he wanted to be angry at everyone, and not just look sad and pathetic. Tears rolled down his cheeks, although they seemed to float across his skin and not leave tracks behind them. Great, he thought, even his tears were different now. He hated this.

He heard footsteps and hushed voices, and buried his face in his hands, knowing that the others were coming after him, but not wanting to acknowledge them. He wanted time for himself. He had wanted to think about everything and he preferred not to be watched by people he didn’t quite trust yet while he was doing that.

“Tommy,” Techno’s voice, a large hand on his shoulder feeling weird against his non corporeal form. “Look, I know you don’t have great memories of me—”

Tommy laughed, although it was quickly swallowed by his sobs, “They’re terrible, actually. I’m pretty sure you told me that if I wanted to be a hero, I should die like one. Guess you got what you wanted. Apparently I died just like that Theseus guy.”

“I was angry, Tommy,” Techno sighed, “I’m still angry, honestly. I don’t trust the government, and I was caught up in the heat of the moment.” He glanced backwards towards Tubbo, “I still don’t like your buddy over there, but I didn’t really want you dead. Tommy, we’re brothers. I only wanted to show you… to make you realize the dangers of relying on a government. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been attempting to denounce violence.”

“Really?” Tommy asked, raising an eyebrow, and wiping away the tears from his eyes.

“Yeah,” Techno laughed, “It isn’t easy. When violence is the only language you’ve been speaking for so long, you tend to lose proficiency in every other one.”

Tommy racked his brain, he knew he’d heard something like that before, but he couldn’t quite remember it. Something about violence being the only universal language, his nose bloody and possibly broken, and tears falling down his face. He had been angry about something… There was a pit.

Before Tommy knew what was happening, he was on the ground, clutching his head in his hands.

“Tommy!” came four voices in unison, and everyone was at his side as he sat up, still holding his forehead as it throbbed with pain.

“Jesus Christ,” Tubbo muttered, holding out his hand and trying to help Tommy up, and Tommy reluctantly took the help.

“I’m fine,” Tommy muttered, snatching his hand back as soon as he was upright and the pain was fading.

“Tommy,” Phil said, shaking his head, “that looked bad. Wilbur’s had some trouble trying to remember things before, but nothing like that.”

“Great,” Tommy grumbled, “good to know that if what Wilbur said is actually true, the universe just fucking hates me.”

“What?” Ghostbur asked, “The thing about the universe giving me a fresh start… Tommy, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Do I? I don’t really think I do. I don’t remember anything good about any of you. You know that! How am I supposed to know whether or not you think I’m a bad person.”

“Because,” Ghostbur muttered, “We’re brothers.”

“Yeah,” Tommy muttered, “well I’m fairly sure family can really fuck you over because I remember a little too much about all of you.”

Phil sighed, “Yeah, I get it Tommy. Family is supposed to be there for you and protect you. All three of us could have been better. We’re here for you now.”

“Yeah, but I’m dead.”

“True,” Tubbo said, “But so is Ghostbur! Oh, speaking of that, do you want us to call you something else now? I know Wilbur prefers Ghostbur… Do you want to be Ghostyinnit or something?”

Tommy shook his head, “I don’t think so. I don’t exactly feel like I’m the same as Tommy was when he was alive, but I’m still him, you know? I’m still me.”

“Got it,” Tubbo nodded, “Do you want to go home now? Go see L’manberg?”

“I… I think I’d like that, yeah. I barely remember what it looks like now. All I can seem to picture is what it was after the explosion.”

“We actually rebuilt it!” Tubbo said, “Oh, Tommy, you’ll love it! It’s a lot nicer than before. Ghostbur’s even been making houses!”

Techno stood off to the side as the others all started to tell Tommy about how L’manberg had changed since Tommy’s memory went blank, and he turned around, like he was ready to head back to the house.

“Why’s he leaving?” Tommy asked.

“He probably thinks you don’t want him there,” Phil explained, “I mean, there’s a lot of anti-techno stuff there.”

Tubbo sighed, “Techno, come back.”

“Aren’t I a wanted man in your country?” He asked, not turning around.

“I mean, yeah, technically,” Tubbo admitted, “But this issue is serious. If we’re going to be allying ourselves against Dream… well, at least for now, I think I can grant you a pardon.”

Technoblade turned and raised an eyebrow, “Just to be clear, this doesn’t mean we’re friends.”

“I mean,” Tubbo laughed nervously, “you shot me in the stomach at the festival, so preferably not.”

“Good. I refuse to be friends with the government.”

“And I don’t particularly want to be friends with an anarchist pig man, but we can work together for a common goal at least.”

Tommy cleared his throat awkwardly, “So, uh, L’manberg then?”

Tubbo nodded, “Guess I’m about to walk into my own country with a wanted criminal and an exiled ghost. Never thought I’d have to say that sentence in my life.”

“Yeah, not the most common phrase, is it,” Phil laughed.

“It definitely is not,” Tubbo nodded, “Now come on. Techno, you’ve got a portal, right? We can travel through the nether to get there faster.”

Tommy made a small choked noise, and Wilbur shook his head quickly until Tubbo realized what he had said.

“Shit, Tommy, I didn’t mean… you know what, let’s just take a couple boats.”

“It’s okay,” Tommy said, his voice still shaky, “Just… yeah, boats are good. Not ready to go back to the nether.”

“That’s understandable! Really, I wasn’t thinking.”

“I already said, it’s fine,” Tommy sighed, “By the way, what day is it? I know I died on December 24th, but I don’t know how long it’s been.”

“It’s… It’s Christmas,” Phil muttered, “Happy Christmas, Tommy.”

“Oh. So my gift to everyone is saying ‘surprise, I’m dead.’ That’s great.”

Techno snorted, “That’s the spirit, Tommy.”

“Spirit?” Tommy asked, “If that was a ghost joke, I now only have one brother.”

“To be clear,” Ghostbur asked, “am I the one brother?”

“Yes, Ghostbur, you are.”

“Logchamp.”

Tommy blinked, “Is that a reference to the prime log?”

Ghostbur nodded and Tommy looked satisfied. The group began their travels to L’manberg, ignoring Techno’s complaints about the implications that he was being disowned.

By the time they arrived in L’manberg it was around four in the evening, and people were gathered on the streets, laughing and celebrating together. Tommy noticed Fundy, Niki, and a boy who seemed to be half enderman. He didn’t see Big Q yet, but he had no doubt the guy was somewhere around here. Even a few of the people from outside the country were there to celebrate.

All the laughter stopped when they saw Tommy and Techno. It was as if the whole world was collectively holding their breaths. Then, all of a sudden, the half enderman boy approached, looking confused.

“Tommy?” he asked, “Is that you?”

Tommy nodded, “Yeah. I’m dead. Who are you exactly?”

The enderman boy turned to look at Tubbo and the others, eyes full of hurt.

Tubbo shook his head, “Dream killed him. You know how Ghostbur only remembers the good things?”

“Yeah?” asked the boy.

“Well, Tommy only remembers the bad ones.”

Ranboo turned to Tommy, “Oh. Well, at least that means we had a good friendship I guess. I’m Ranboo. Do you remember the others?”

Tommy nodded, and began pointing to people in the crowd, “Fundy, he’s Wilbur’s son who burned the flag. Then there’s Big Q, he was Schlatt’s vice president. Niki, she ran against Wilbur and I with Fundy in the election.” Tommy had to think harder for a few of the others, “That’s Bad, he yells at me for saying Fuck.” He expected to hear the word language, but apparently Bad was too stunned to speak, “Then there’s Ant. I… I think I took him hostage? Not sure. Skeppy, he has one of my disks. And then… Eret. He betrayed us all.”

“Man,” Fundy said, voice shaky, “You certainly were not kidding when you said he only remembers the bad things.”

“You said Dream killed him?” Bad asked, looking shocked.

“Yeah,” Tommy nodded, “Pushed me into lava. Not a fun experience.”

Big Q coughed awkwardly, “Well, uh, Merry Christmas?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys! This chapter took a little longer than expected, so it's being released this afternoon rather than the morning. I really hope you like this! I'm glad you've been enjoying this story so far!


	4. History Repeats Itself, as all Good Heroes Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo content and the plans for revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I'm alive! Sorry about the wait, I had writers block, but I now have inspiration again. This chapter is a little shorter than normal, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.
> 
> TWs: manipulation mentioned, mentions of execution, mentions of explosions, mentions of violence in general, death mentioned, mentions of injury.

Ranboo hated everything about this. Every nerve in his body screamed for him to get out of there. To hide amongst the endermen and never look back. He didn’t want to stare into Tommy’s lifeless eyes, knowing that his friend didn’t even remember who he was. Ranboo hated making eye contact even when the person he was speaking to wasn’t dead. It felt unnatural, aggressive. That’s why he liked endermen so much, none of them forced you to look them in the eyes. None of them cared that you stared past them, or towards the ground when you were talking. Of course, they were also his family. A part of him ached every time he saw someone use an ender pearl, and he wondered if he might see one less face amongst the crowd the next time he ran off.

He didn’t run away, though. He couldn’t do it, no matter how much he wanted to, because Tommy was dead and Ranboo had to be there for him, make sure he knew that they were friends. He couldn’t pretend that it wasn’t real when he wasn’t the only one affected. Everyone else was hurting just as much as he was, and he couldn’t be selfish. He couldn’t listen to the voice in his head that screamed to run, because he didn’t want to be a pushover. He wanted to be a good person, even if it was hard.

Quackity’s words had left a sense of unease in the air, although he had been clearly trying to lighten the mood, nobody laughed. All the joy of Christmas day had been sucked out of the country, and the silence was suffocating. Fists were clenched, faces were pale, eyes were wide and dilated in shock and fear. All of them asking the same question: What came next?

Could L’manberg afford to go to war with Dream? Even with Techno and Philza, it seemed doubtful. They were still recovering from the last war and Wilbur’s betrayal, and although Ranboo hadn’t been around to see that, he noticed the weary faces of the citizens, the scars they wore from their previous battles, the fear on their faces when they heard a firework go off, or the sound of a bottle smashing. They tried to be strong, yes, but after Tommy had been exiled, it was clear that it was a losing battle. They had been broken down by the past evils they’d faced. Some of them had even been there for the first L’manberg war, back when the nation was just a dream shared by a few people.

No. They weren’t ready for war, Ranboo was sure about that, but what choice did they have? They couldn’t just let Dream kill Tommy, walk all over them, and get away with it without consequence. There had to be some kind of retaliation.

Tubbo was apparently having similar thoughts, because he climbed up to his podium in order to address the crowd, after whispering something to Tommy that Ranboo couldn’t hear.

“Citizens of L’manberg, and guests from the Greater Dream SMP,” Tubbo began, voice still shaky from grief, “I know that this news is upsetting, and I do not expect any of you to forgive me for Tommy’s exile, but if you want to look towards someone else for leadership, you will have your chance very soon during the next election. Until then, I will do everything in my power to fix the problems I have caused.

“As you heard, just minutes ago, Tommy was murdered by Dream in cold blood. We will not stay silent on this matter. Dream has pushed us around and controlled us with fear for too long. For this crime, he shall be punished. I will be meeting with cabinet members Fundy and Quackity, as well as Tommy, Technoblade, Philza, Wilbur, and Ranboo in order to discuss our plans moving forward. Everyone else, you are free to continue Christmas festivities. Let today be a day of peace, even if Dream tries to stop it from being such.”

Ranboo was surprised to hear his name in the mix, but he followed the president and the rest of the people he called forth, clutching at the satchel he wore around his waist, feeling the familiar shape of his memory book and sighing with relief at the comfort it brought him, knowing that he had everything he remembered within the pages. He wouldn’t forget like Tommy did.

The meeting room was crowded with eight people there, even if two of them were ghosts who floated to the ceiling in order to create more space for the living. Tubbo glanced around at them, and sighed, letting his confident demeanor drop, leaving a scared child who didn’t know what to do. His fear and worry for the future was clearly etched on his face in a trembling frown.

“Dream has to be punished for his crimes against the country. Against my best friend,” he said, eyes darting towards Tommy, who still looked slightly uncomfortable with that label. If he only remembered bad things… well, it was a wonder that he was trying to be friendly with Tubbo at all. What had Tubbo said to make Tommy realize that his friend was only trying to help? And what about Technoblade and Wilbur? Tommy trusting them… it was odd. Not bad, but Ranboo wished he knew how it had happened.

Techno nodded in agreement, “I don’t care how powerful that man is, he’s still just a man, and no man hurts my family and gets away with it.”

Ranboo remembered, even without the memory book, that he respected Technoblade. He’d heard of the man’s past crimes… but still. He fought for what he believed in and didn’t waver once in his resolve. Ranboo wished he was more like that. Plus, he enjoyed the man’s aesthetic. You could never go wrong with a crown, even if you were anti-government.

Tommy blinked a few times, “He has my disc,” he muttered, “I… I don’t remember much about the discs, but I know they’re important. Tubbo has one, I think. Skeppy has another. I still have a few in my enderchest, I think, but I don’t have any of the good ones.”

Tubbo looked up at Tommy, “The one that I have is safe. I never broke the promise I made you. Even if I betrayed your trust in a million other ways, I didn’t when it comes to this.”

“Keep it,” Tommy said, forcing a smile onto his face, “at least for now. I don’t remember why I liked them in the first place. Maybe one day I’ll want it back, but not yet.”

Tubbo nodded, eyes darting to the ground. Ranboo couldn’t blame him. Staring at Tommy’s singed hair and clothing, his pale eyes… it was a little too much.

Fundy seemed anxious, “Dream deserves to be punished for what he did, but I don’t think we should stoop to his level. Cheating, manipulating… I don’t want to be a villain.” Nobody else seemed to notice how his eyes darted to Ghostbur and his tail twitched, a gesture that Ranboo had come to know as a nervous habit.

“Fuck that!” Quackity yelled, clearly angry, “Fundy, do you not understand how serious this situation is? Dream fucking murdered Tommy! We have to hit back hard! Nobody fucking wins if we play by the rules of a game that Dream isn’t even playing. This isn’t a game of chess where everyone plays fair and nobody gets hurt. This is war, Fundy, and I thought you of all people would understand that! Someone has already died, Fundy. So you know what I say? Fuck the rules. We don’t have to play the starry-eyed, innocent lambs led to slaughter. What we need to do is be rams; those who seem naive on the surface, but aren’t afraid to strike back with hooves and horns.”

A moment of silence passed, while everyone remembered the last person who ran L’manberg, a dictator that had the horns of a ram.

Quackity noticed the tension, “You know I didn’t mean it like that, guys!”

“I dunno,” Fundy muttered, “you worked for him.”

“And I hated it! There’s a reason I left, you know. He was fucking insane. The last thing I want is to act like Schlatt! He was fucking evil! I just want to pay that green bitch back for his wrongs.”

After a few more moments of uncomfortable silence, Technoblade spoke, “I agree.” He gestured towards himself, “You know how much I hate government, and Schlatt was the pinnacle of that. Corrupt, manipulative… a real lawful evil kind of guy. I don’t want to be like him, but Dream isn’t going to play fair. It doesn’t make sense to act all high and mighty when there are lives on the line. In the end, war means bloodshed, and I know a thing or two about that.”

“Blood for the blood god,” Ranboo muttered, surprised to find more voices joining him. Tommy, Ghostbur, and Philza had all said the same phrase, quiet, but loud enough for everyone else in the room to hear. 

“Exactly,” Techno nodded, looking satisfied with the response. He ignored the uncomfortable looks that Tubbo, Quackity, and Fundy were giving him. Of course, they were only temporary allies until Tommy’s murder was avenged, why would he care what the cabinet thought of him?

“I propose a bit of dramatic irony,” Quackity suggested, glancing at Tubbo, “As long as you’re comfortable with something that might be painfully familiar.”

Tubbo seemed to understand what Quackity was suggesting, and nodded, sighing as if he wished he didn’t have to think about it, “You’re proposing we hold a festival, aren’t you?”

Quackity nodded, “If people are going to accuse us of being like Schlatt, then let’s give them something that actually links us to him. Who cares what they fucking think? We are acting in the defense of our country and our friends, unlike Schlatt.”

“An execution disguised as a festival to celebrate our relations with the Dream SMP. Well, if that’s what we’re going with, we need to prepare.”

That’s when everyone realized what the others were talking about. Ranboo hadn’t been there when it had happened, but everyone in L’manberg had heard stories of the Manberg festival. Schlatt had organized it as a celebration of democracy, but the main event had secretly been the execution of Tubbo, who was a spy for Pogtopia at the time. Tubbo had survived and escaped to Pogtopia, but he had suffered extreme burns that still scarred his face and body.

Technoblade did not have the decency to look away, but honestly, that wasn’t what anybody in their right mind would expect from him. He was a proud man, and he wouldn’t back down simply because of an uncomfortable situation. He did, however, give a curt nod to Tubbo that was probably supposed to be apologetic. Probably.

“The festival,” Tommy muttered, a faraway look in his eyes as he thought about it. His face morphed into a scowl, and without focusing on the people in the room, he muttered, “I have to go,” and drifted out of the room before anyone could tell him not to leave.

Tubbo frowned after Tommy, but turned back to the business at hand fairly quickly, “Ranboo, Fundy, Ghostbur,” he said, glancing at the three of them, “You all are in charge of decorations and games. If we’re doing this, I don’t want to see even a trace of the original festival. Everything should be new, and it needs to look good and friendly.

Ranboo nodded, “Of course. When is the festival going to be? You know, so I have time to prepare.”

“January fifth,” Tubbo clarified, “That should give us enough time to prepare and get everything set up. I need to talk to Techno, Phil, and Quackity about their roles. Do the rest of you mind stepping out?”

They didn’t mind, and so they left the president to speak with the others. Ranboo was silent as he walked alongside Fundy, Ghostbur floating behind them. He noticed Fundy’s tail twitching more than ever, but he thought it was just because of nerves for the festival. Apparently he was wrong.

“Can you stop fucking following me!” He yelled, turning to face Ghostbur, who looked upset and taken aback.

“What? Fundy, you’re my-”

“Don’t you dare call me your son. My father died in the explosion of L’manberg. He was stabbed by my grandfather. Even then, he wasn’t much of a father anyways.”

That’s when Fundy stormed away, and Ranboo had to make a split second decision on whether to follow him, or stay with Ghostbur. He decided upon the latter, knowing that his friend needed some space.

“Oh,” Ghostbur frowned, “I guess he really hates me then.”

Ranboo didn’t want to hurt Ghostbur’s feelings, but as far as he could tell, the answer was a resounding yes.

“I don’t remember everything that Alivebur did,” Ghostbur admitted, “but people keep acting like he was a terrible person. They all hate him, Ranboo. They hate him, and they hate me, even though I’m not him. Maybe they even sometimes hate me because I’m not him, because even if Alivebur was a terrible person… I think they all miss him.”

Ranboo frowned, “I didn’t know you when you were alive, but I think… I think they do miss him, you’re right. Even when people do terrible things and are bad people… well, a small part of you can’t help but want to hold onto that person because of the good times. I think that must be how Tommy felt with Dream.”

“He… he was so focused on the good things that Dream did to him, that even though Dream hurt him, Tommy got trapped in the cycle of it.”

“Stockholm Syndrome,” Ranboo nodded.

“Isn’t that the thing where people fall in love with their kidnappers?”

“Not quite. That’s what most people know it as, though,” Ranboo admitted, “Basically, it’s where someone becomes dependent on their captor and starts to believe that the bad things they do are justified. Tommy would have had it platonically, because he believed that Dream was his friend, right?”

“His only friend,” agreed Ghostbur, “He thought everyone else was only around because they pitied him.”

“The pity pickaxe,” Ranboo muttered, “it makes sense now.”

There was a moment of silence while the two considered the new information that they had just been presented with, and then the peace ended abruptly with an ear-splitting, inhuman shriek that echoed as if off of invisible walls.


	5. And When You Hear His Screams, Listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the scream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another somewhat short chapter (I promise the next one will be longer).
> 
> TW: Mention of hearing damage, mention of blood, visual descriptions of panic attacks, vague mentions of PTSD, fire

Tubbo was in the middle of planning the execution when he heard the scream. It was high pitched and distorted as if it came from a creature that wasn’t quite human, or was trapped behind a veil of water. If there were words attached to the wail, they were inaudible, and Tubbo had to cover his ears in worry that the scream was piercing enough to make them bleed. Then, as quickly as it had started, it was gone, silence echoing through the president’s mind as he pulled his hands away from his head, thankful to see there was no blood.

What in the world could have made a scream like that? It was louder and more penetrating than the kind that sometimes echoed through the air after an enderman’s death. Maybe it was Ranboo? But what would have made the usually somewhat quiet half-enderman scream like that? Nothing good.

“What the fuck was that?” asked Quackity, “Something dying out there?”

“I don’t know,” Tubbo muttered nervously, “we should check it out. See if anyone is hurt. If anyone was closer to that scream than we were, their ears might not have dealt with it quiet so well.”

“Speak for yourself,” Techno groaned. Tubbo couldn’t see any blood or anything, but Techno looked annoyed, “My ears are ringing. Almost can’t hear your voices.”

Tubbo must have looked confused about Techno seeming to have gotten hit worse than the rest of them, because Phil stepped forward to explain, “Techno is a hybrid, like Fundy and Ant. Has better hearing than a typical human, so that scream probably did some temporary damage to his ears. Nothing permanent, I don’t think, otherwise he’d be bleeding.”

Techno scowled, “I’ll be fine. Someone yelling won’t kill me. You should know by now, Technoblade never dies.”

“Right,” Phil nodded, “Of course you don’t, now come on. I assume we’re going to look for the source of that scream.”

“Right,” Tubbo nodded, “whatever or whoever it is must be in danger. We can’t just ignore it.”

“Or other people are in danger of being hurt by the thing that made the noise,” Quackity pointed out, crossing his arms. Since when was he so cynical?

“Whatever the case,” Tubbo interjected before anyone else could add something and start a potential argument, “We need to see what it was. Let’s go.”

When the group of four left the meeting room, they saw a nation in chaos. People were arguing in the streets, panicking and scrambling to search for their friends. Tubbo couldn’t make out faces, but there were people on the ground, not hurt necessarily, but breathing heavily, tears rolling down their face. 

Tubbo felt a pang of guilt. Even though it wasn’t his fault that the scream happened, he should have been out there with his citizens. He should have been helping them. He knew better than anyone that many of the citizens didn’t do well with loud noises. Not after the wars and the festival.

He began moving through the crowd, attempting to calm people down, asking them if they saw anything, making sure nobody was hurt. It was always the same answer.

“I’m alright, just shaken up, I guess. I have no clue who screamed, though.”

Then, they’d say something vague about how they hadn’t seen a certain person in a while, and Tubbo would follow the lead, only to find that that person was completely okay. Eventually, he realized this system wasn’t working, so as Techno, Quackity, and Phil were weaving through the crowd, attempting to calm down the people who were fighting or having panic attacks, Tubbo climbed to the Podium and began to speak.

“Citizens of L’manberg and guests,” he spoke, voice echoing as he spoke into the microphone, “We have been investigating the source of the scream you heard earlier, but so far there has been no luck. We are going to do a headcount in order to make sure everyone is still here, alright?”

There were murmurs of assent from the group.

“Great,” Tubbo said, “Quackity, if you could lead the headcount, that would be great. Once Quackity has checked you off the list, please sit down in the audience below me.”

It took a couple hours to get through the counting, and the sun was beginning to set overhead. Quackity checked off the last name, and came up to the stage, “It seems that everyone is accounted for,” he spoke in a calm voice.

“Wait!” called a voice from the crowd, Ranboo. He rushed up to the stage, looking panicked as he clutched his memory book in his hands, “Where’s Tommy?”

Tubbo’s eyes widened in fear, of course. Tommy wasn’t expected today, so he wouldn’t be on the list. He scanned the crowd for the ghost of his best friend, but was met with no familiar burnt blonde hair, no torn red and white shirt, and only one pair of empty white eyes, which belonged to Ghostbur. Tommy was gone.

Murmurs started in the crowd, feared questions, whispers that quickly dissolved into shouting. People were standing up, glancing around at the others in the chairs as if they expected Tommy to jump out from behind someone and yell ‘Gotcha!’

It didn’t happen. Tommy wasn’t there. Tommy was gone, and Tubbo had no idea how to begin finding him. His compass, apparently, didn’t work on ghosts because it had been spinning aimlessly.

“Everyone shut up!” Techno roared, wincing from what must have been the damage to his ears. “If anyone saw anything, speak up now. Who saw Tommy last?”

Most people were staring blankly, but in the back a familiar person rose from his seat. A king wearing a cape, crown, and sunglasses. Eret.

“I saw him leave the meeting room,” he said, his voice carrying through the silent crowd easily, “I went to try and speak to him, but he saw me and told me ‘fuck off you dirty traitor.’ Then… I don’t know what happened. He started clutching his head, and he fell to the ground. He started screaming about… about Schlatt and the first festival. I touched his arm to try and calm him down, but he slapped me across the face and disappeared. A few minutes later, I heard the scream.”

“Disappeared?” Tubbo asked, in shock, trying to understand, “How could he just disappear?”

“I don’t know,” Eret sighed, “I’m sorry, that’s all the information I have. If there’s anything I can do to help find him, let me know.”

“Thank you, Eret,” Tubbo nodded, “I will go searching for him. Everyone else should remain here until morning when we can send out a proper search party.”

“You aren’t going alone,” Techno spoke, putting his hand on Tubbo’s shoulder. The president tried to smile at the gesture and hide the flinch. Even when Technoblade was on his side, it was hard not to remember that fireworks launcher trained upon him, the burns that creeped up his body.

“I’m alright,” Tubbo said, shaking off the hand, “I don’t need help. Tommy is my best friend, I have to do this by myself.”

“And he’s my brother,” Techno said, shaking his head, “I’m coming. You don’t have a choice.”

Before Tubbo could protest, someone else spoke up, “I’m coming too.” It was Ranboo, who had been scribbling something down in his book just a few moments before.

“What? No, Ranboo. You’re staying here. I don’t even want Techno coming but—”

“Tubbo, I have to do this,” The pure desperation in Ranboo’s voice was audible, “Tommy’s my friend too, even if he doesn’t remember me. Plus, I know a thing or two about forgetting things. Maybe, once we find him, I can help him!”

Tubbo stared at the ground, and finally spoke after an agonizing few moments of silence, “Fine. Technoblade and Ranboo can come, but that’s it. Everyone else is going to go home and sleep until the morning. Quackity, Phil, and Fundy, please make sure that nobody leaves the city. We don’t know if it’s safe yet. Non-citizens may stay with a friend or set up a sleeping bag in the whitehouse.”

Tubbo brushed aside protests and questions, holding up a hand, and climbing down from the podium, Techno and Ranboo behind him. He shared a glance with the two of them before nodding and heading outside of the city limits.

“Where do you think he is?” asked Ranboo, moving slower than his normal pace in order to match the footsteps of the shorter individuals.

“I have no clue,” Tubbo admitted, upset. He was talking about Schlatt and the festival before he disappeared, you don’t think…” he trailed off, turning to Techno.

“Pogtopia?” he asked, readying his axe in case of attack, “It’s possible. Or maybe Wilbur’s button room, but I don’t think that’s likely. I think he’s definitely out of L’manberg, probably by a long way.”

Tubbo nodded, then he glanced to Ranboo, “The walk is pretty long, but I genuinely think this is where Tommy will be. Techno and I know the way, so follow us.”

Ranboo nodded, following several steps behind the two of them. Tubbo glanced back and noticed how his hands fidgeted with the clasp on his satchel where he held his memory book. He decided not to comment on it, and forced his eyes back to the land ahead of him.

They hiked in awkward silence for about an hour as the trees passed and the moon loomed higher overhead, casting dim shadows around them. Every once in a while, one of them would catch their breath as they heard a rustling in the bushes around them, but it was always a wolf, or a wild horse, or a monster that Technoblade easily killed with his terrifying axe. There was no sign that Tommy had been here, but then again, what signs would a ghost leave behind? Tommy always seemed to float somewhat off the ground, so there wouldn’t be any footsteps, and even so, apparently he could just disappear.

Yes, there was no sign of Tommy anywhere… until they heard it again. The scream, louder this time, and very much closer, shaking the trees and causing birds to fly out of the branches in all directions, startled by the noise.

Tubbo covered his ears immediately, as did Techno and Ranboo, but he was worried that Techno’s ears might not be able to take the screaming, not when it was louder than before. He glanced towards the warrior, who was gritting his teeth as if in pain, but he didn’t see blood slipping between the fingers that covered his ears, much to his relief. The ringing would probably get a little worse, Tubbo imagined, but still, nothing permanent.

And then, the silence came, refreshing in some ways, but void of everything. It was eerie to have a noise as terrible as that stop so suddenly, and then be replaced with nothingness. Everything felt empty, and Tubbo had to force himself to pry his hands from his ears and let the silence in.

“We should… keep going,” Tubbo said, not wanting the silence to go on any longer. It almost seemed to worm its way into every fiber of his being, screaming that something was incredibly wrong.

“Agreed,” Ranboo nodded, turning to Techno, “you alright? That was a lot closer and louder than the first scream, and you looked pretty shaked from that one when you came out of the meeting room.”

“Fine,” grunted Techno, “I’ll take a healing potion when we get back. The damage isn’t that bad, just… keep an ear out for me. I won’t be able to catch the noises I usually can, so let me know if you hear anything weird.”

“Got it,” nodded Tubbo, “I may not have better than average hearing, but I’ll do my best.”

As they approached the area where Pogtopia was located, the first thing Tubbo noticed was the tower, standing high above them, as ugly as ever. Although it was an eyesore, it was nice to see it, a reminder of the Tommy that Tubbo had been best friends with. The Tommy who hadn’t cared what anyone thought of the things he did, because he thought they were cool.

The next thing Tubbo noticed was the fire.


	6. The Fires of Pompeii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Techno, Tubbo, and Ranboo find the source of the fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I didn't update this weekend and then uploaded really late today. I just suddenly got struck with inspiration and needed to finish this chapter. I will warn you, there are some graphic descriptions in there.
> 
> TW: panic attacks, mentions of death, mentions of burns, fire, graphic descriptions of injuries, mentions of hearing voices, similarities to PTSD flashbacks

Technoblade wasn’t afraid of fire. He never had been, even when wielded by the strongest warrior, he wasn’t afraid. Perhaps it came from being part piglin, a sense of comfort in the fires of the nether, although they would definitely burn him if he got too comfortable. Perhaps it was just that barely anything scared him anymore. After all, he had seen everything the world could possibly throw at him, at least, that’s what he believed.

Nothing prepared him for the sense of dread settling in his stomach at the sight of the fire. Why? Why after all these years of hellfire licking his heels, always following him, waiting for him to make a mistake… Why now? Why now when he was capable of so much. Of defeating almost any warrior who crossed his path. Why was he so afraid?

The ringing in his ears all but drowned out the panicked shouts of Tubbo and Ranboo beside him, and they scrambled to throw water buckets at the flames, to no avail. This wasn’t normal. This was wrong. No naturally generated lava pool had started this fire, nor a piece of flint and steel. This was something that shouldn’t have happened. 

“Technoblade, help us!” a voice snapped him out of his thought, Tubbo, desperately calling for him to smother the roaring fire with something, anything, his voice slightly raspy from inhaling the smoke.

Techno shook his head, “It won’t work. Not until we find what caused this.”

Tubbo blinked in confusion, “What do you mean what caused this? It was probably Sapnap, I mean the man sure likes to set things on fire. Plus, he never really liked Pogtopia! It makes sense!”

“No,” Techno shook his head, “This wasn’t started by flint and steel. I don’t know what did it, but we have to find it.”

“Uh,” Ranboo spoke up, “wouldn’t that mean walking straight into the heart of the fire? Because that seems like a fairly bad idea. You know, just from a ‘I want to live’ perspective.”

Techno dug a hand into his bag and pulled out three potions, glowing orange, and threw one to each of his companions. Fire resistance. He nodded to the others, pulled the cork out of his own bottle, and downed the contents.

The potion was almost unbearably hot as it slid down his throat, the taste of smoke filling his mouth and making him want to gag. It was how Techno imagined it would feel to drink lava if, you know, it didn’t burn a hole through your mouth and throat, killing you instantly. It was uncomfortable, almost painful, but necessary.

He looked back to see the others grimacing at the taste and feeling, and gave them a small nod, “This should last eight minutes. I have a few more, but getting in and out within that time would be the ideal scenario.”

“Alright then,” Ranboo said with a nod, glancing back at Tubbo, “no turning back now.”

And then, they plunged into the fire.

It was unpleasantly warm, but it didn’t burn them. Techno was glad that his potions had worked so well. He wasn’t a dedicated brewer or anything, but he wasn’t one for shoddy work in any category. He was a warrior. Brewing and potions were essential in most wars. Learning was not a decision that was hard to make.

As the flames licked at his face, Techno pushed forwards, hoping against hope that his intuition was right. The source almost certainly came from inside Pogtopia. He felt a pang of worry as he remembered that was also likely where Tommy was. Ghosts couldn’t die, Techno knew that, but could they feel pain? Was Tommy injured? Lying in the middle of their old home in a constant sense of agony? 

“You okay Techno?” Tubbo shouted over the roar of the fire, coughing when the flames wormed their way through his open mouth, dancing along his throat. “You seem worried! Is something wrong?”

“It’s fine,” Techno grunted, keeping his voice level for the sake of the others, “Everything is going to be alright.” Did he actually believe that, or was he trying to convince himself along with the others? He didn’t know.

They fumbled their way through the door, and Techno realized he was right. The fire was consuming the stairs and ramps, burning away at the buttons that had coated the walls, floor, and ceiling of the place. And there, sitting in the middle of it all, was a figure. Techno didn’t recognize the person through the flames, but something in his gut screamed at him to turn around. The voices in his mind yelled at him that something was wrong. That whatever that thing was, it wasn’t human. That this fire was its fault. He didn’t listen, although he knew that they would only get louder and more insistent if he ignored them.

They traversed the stairs and platforms carefully, not wanting to fall to the ground below like the bits of flaming wood that dropped from above. Yes, most of the stairs were built from stone, but it was still dangerous and Techno didn’t want to take his chances with the drop. Even though he knew how to take a fall like that, it would still hurt, and Tubbo and Ranboo likely didn’t share this knowledge.

They reached the bottom, and the figure became more clear. They could hear a voice muttering, echoing through their minds. A boy, hunched over and shaking, burnt clothes and soot covered skin.Techno began to reach out his hand, and the muttering came to an abrupt stop. The boy turned around.

He had blonde hair, and the bits of skin that were visible were translucent, but those were the only recognizable things about the ghost. His eyes dripped with lava leaving blackened tear tracks behind as the molten rock melted through the surface below him. Parts of his face and hands were blackened to the point where it looked like it would crumble away and reveal the bone beneath. When he opened his mouth to speak, his mouth emptied its contents, more lava, onto the ground.

“It stays in the pit,” he muttered, staring at Techno as if he couldn’t see either of the people standing just behind him.

“Tommy?” Techno asked, eyes wide in disbelief.

“Violence is the only universal language Tommy,” the ghost said, parroting Techno’s old words back at him.

“That’s… that’s Tommy?” Tubbo asked, eyes blinking with worry and confusion, “No… no, Tommy didn’t look like this before. He wasn’t all burnt and…” he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

“Stays in the pit,” Tommy repeated, “You killed Tubbo!” His hands became alight with flame, which blended in with the rest of the surrounding fire. A few paces forward towards Techno.

“Tommy!” Ranboo yelled, “Techno isn’t here to hurt you! Tubbo is alive, see?”

“Peer pressure,” Tommy laughed, coughing up the lava that filled his lungs, “It was peer pressure, Tommy! Peer pressure!”

“What the hell happened to him?” Tubbo asked, waving his hand to try and distract Tommy, “he sounds like a broken record.”

Ranboo muttered something and then looked up, “You were talking about the festival! He must have been thinking about it, gotten overwhelmed! That’s what caused this.”

“I forgive you Techno,” Tommy said, now repeating Tubbo’s words, “Forgive, forgive forgive.”

Then came something new, “UNDESERVING!”

A new word, not repeated, paired with a shove that caused Techno to fall backwards and land on the ground with a sound of shock. He hadn’t expected that, and wasn’t prepared. Where Tommy’s hands had been, blackened hand prints stained his clothing.

“We need to distract him,” Techno grunted, “Happier thoughts. Not my forte. Tubbo, want to take the lead?”

“Me?” the young president seemed taken aback, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. He clearly hates me right now, and he won’t remember Ranboo like this. You’re our best bet in calming him down.”

Tubbo took a deep breath before nodding, and Techno took a step back to allow the younger boy to work.

Tommy’s eyes locked on Tubbo, who smiled sadly at his best friend.

“Dream, please escort Tommy out of my country,” Tommy spoke, the words sending a pang of guilt through Tubbo’s system, “I’m your friend. Friend, friend, enemy. Hate!”

“Yeah,” Tubbo muttered, looking into Tommy’s eyes, still dripping and oozing with lava, “I messed up, Tommy. I was so focused on being a good president that I forgot about being a good friend. In the end, I guess I was pretty lousy at both, right?” he laughed bitterly, “I mean, nobody really liked me after I exiled you, and… well, you ended up like this. Now we’re going to war with Dream anyways, and if I had just listened to what you and the rest of the fucking cabinet were saying we would have done that without dealing with all this fucking pain.”

Techno blinked a few times as he saw tears roll down Tubbo’s cheeks. Was this supposed to be comforting? To be fair, Tubbo probably knew Tommy better than he did. How sad was that? Some government official knew his brother better than he did.

“You’re hurting,” Tubbo sobbed, “and it’s my fault! You never deserved any of this. Techno was never the fucking enemy. In fact, he was right! Government has torn us all apart. Power corrupts, and I think I’m the prime example of that. I… I wish we had just ran away back then during the Pogtopia revolution. We could have lived away from all of this. No more wars, no more fighting. I mean for fuck’s sake, we’re just kids! I shouldn’t be president! You shouldn’t have had your whole life taken away just because you wanted to put yourself and your own interests first for once.

“Ranboo was right. I said that putting yourself first made you selfish, but I was wrong. You covered for him so that nobody would have to share your punishment. If you hadn’t… well, I might be staring at two ghosts instead of one right now. What happened to you will never be fair, and I hate that it happened, but the fact that even back then you were making sure that it didn’t affect anyone else, and that proves that you’re such a good person, Tommy. I don’t care how many people call you selfish or stupid or whatever, they’re wrong.”

Techno never thought he would hear those words out of Tubbo’s mouth, but somehow they were bittersweet. He didn’t want to be right anymore, not at the cost of his brother’s life. He could see Ranboo to his left, tearing up at Tubbo’s words. He hadn’t been there for Tommy covering for Ranboo, but the half-enderman seemed to choke up just thinking of it.

“I was so mad that you weren’t listening to me,” Tubbo whispered, and Techno could only hear it because the ringing in his ears was quieting slightly, “I didn’t even stop to think that I wasn’t listening to you either. You were right. We should have gone to Techno in the first place. I don’t care what he did to L’manberg, that country is cursed anyway, we needed his help against Dream.”

That surprised Techno even more than when Tubbo had said he was right earlier. Tommy had wanted to ask for his help against Dream? If that was the case, why had his brother continuously claimed to hate him when Techno had visited him in exile? Was it the boy subconsciously wanting someone to blame for what was happening to him? He didn’t want to blame himself or Tubbo, so he clung onto the belief that he had been exiled because of his suggestion of getting Techno to help. It wasn’t definite, but it was a theory.

“I’m sorry, Tommy,” Tubbo flung his arms around his friend, and ignored the discomfort of the ghost’s burning form pressed against him. Techno knew that it couldn’t be pleasant.

“Tubbo, you’re my friend,” Tommy repeated again, voice less desperate and more sad now, “missed you. Friend, friend… your tubbo. Compass. Tubbo.”

Tubbo seemed frustrated when Tommy continued to speak like that, even if he seemed calmer now, “Please, Tommy. Come back to me. If you won’t do it for me, do it for Ghostbur and Techno. Do it for your dad. Do it for Niki and Big Q and Fundy and everyone back home. Do it for Ranboo, even if you don’t remember him. We all care about you, so please. Don’t leave us like this after we just got you back. Do it to fucking spite Dream if you must, just come back.”

Tommy was silent for a moment, his body heating up the room around them to an almost unbearable temperature. The fire resistance potions were probably going to wear off soon. They had to get out of here, but Techno wasn’t about to leave Tommy behind out of self-interest. Not again.

Then, the heat dropped. The room became cooler as an exhausted Tommy fell forward into his best friend’s arms. His shirt was still scorched, but the rest of his body seemed back to normal. The fire around them died down, although it had caused irreparable damage, and Techno could only hope it was calmer outside too.

“Spite Dream you say, Tubbo? Don’t mind if I do.”

“Of course. Of all the things I said, that’s what snapped you out of… whatever that was.”

“Felt like a panic attack on fucking steroids and shit.”

“Welcome back, Theseus,” Techno muttered, walking over to the others and joining in with their hug. It was nice, he had to admit. He had never been one for physical affection, but now as he held his brother and his best friend in his arms, he wondered why that had ever been the case.

Tommy noticed Ranboo awkwardly watching the three of them embrace, and gave him a small smile, “I may not remember you, but Tommy, the Tommy who was alive, he clearly really liked you. You’re alright. Come on, then.” He gestured with a small jerk of his head for the other to join them, and he did.

For a moment, they just sat there on the floor, allowing the severity of what had happened to wash away as they held each other, a reminder that they were still there, and that all but one of them was still breathing.

Tommy spoke up, “I know that I’d rather forget what happened there, but we’re going to have to talk about it at some point. We can’t just pretend it wasn’t real or that there’s no danger of it happening again whenever I remember something really bad.”

“We will talk about it,” Techno agreed, “but for now, let’s put it to the side. We’re going home. I don’t care if ghosts don’t technically need sleep, you’re exhausted. You have to rest before we even think about anything else.”

“Okay… then once we get back,” Tommy muttered, “can one of you stay with me? I don’t think I want to be alone tonight.”

“Of course,” Techno nodded, “I’ll be by your side the whole time. You can wake me up for anything, Tommy.”

His promise was kept. The three of them trekked through the woods, back to L’manberg, and pushed away the questions from the citizens who remained awake. When Tommy lay in bed. Not exactly asleep, but resting, Techno was sitting in the chair next to him watching his brother fondly as he slept, the adrenaline rush of earlier finally calming down and allowing Techno to think about sleep.

Yes, Techno hated the messes that his family got into, but he wouldn’t trade a single one of them for the world. After all, sometimes family meant a loving father, his one living kid who heard voices in his head, his two ghost sons, and the best friend of the younger ghost son, plus some random half-enderman that everyone had seemed to latch onto. His family sure was a mess, Techno thought as his eyes closed, allowing him peaceful sleep for the first time in months, but they were his and he loved them.


	7. Playing Catchup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Techno and Tommy have a heart to heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This chapter deals with some heavy stuff (even if just in mention) please just remember that this is a work of fiction. Be safe.
> 
> TW: suicidal thoughts, mentions of manipulation, mentions of abuse, mentions of war (brief)

Tommy didn’t actually sleep of course. That would have been impossible, considering that he was a traumatized ghost, two things that did not go hand in hand with sleeping. He had allowed himself to rest, banishing almost all thoughts from his mind, however, and it was almost the same. Not quite, but almost.

When Tommy opened his eyes, he was greeted by light streaming in through the window, and noticed that Techno was still there, looking considerably less tired than he had the previous night, sitting in that chair next to his bed and smiling softly at his younger brother. Tommy hadn’t seen that smile since… since…

He groaned, holding his head, and quickly stopped thinking about it. Trying to remember that kind of thing combined with the panic of yesterday had caused him to go all fiery and shit, and he didn’t want to do that again. Not when his friends and family had only just gotten him back last night.

“You alright?” Techno asked, smile falling from his face. Tommy was almost disappointed. He was fairly sure that a smile like that was a rare sight and now it was gone. It was rather upsetting.

“Fine,” Tommy nodded, voice still hoarse from the lava that had been forcing its way out of his mouth yesterday, “sorry about last night. Didn’t mean to.”

Techno shook his head in disbelief, “The Tommy I know would never apologize.”

“Well, I’m not the Tommy you know, am I?” he asked, “part of me fully died when Dream killed me. I dunno if it’ll ever come back. I know you’re all hoping to help me magically get my memories back, but I think they’re gone for good. I’ll never quite be the same as Tommy was when he was alive.”

Techno frowned, “I thought you said you were still Tommy.”

Tommy sighed, trying to figure out how he could explain, “I am. Think of it like this. Tommy was like one of those disks he loved so much. Whole and unbroken, playing a complete melody. When Dream killed him, that disk shattered, and some of the pieces were burnt or ground so finely into dust that they could never be pieced back together. That’s who I am. I don’t play a complete song anymore, and I’m not quite the same, but I’m still Tommy.”

“Damn. I was really just trying to make a joke about you apologizing when you didn’t need to. Guess that’s good to know though,” Techno said, voice as monotonous as ever, “Do you think it’s the same for Ghostbur?”

“Probably,” Tommy nodded, “he acts very different than he did when he was alive. Plus, he doesn’t even really like the name Wilbur anymore. He uses Ghostbur. His disc is probably more broken than mine is.”

“I never thought about it like that. Then again, I didn’t know him very well towards the end. He never seemed to be comfortable around me. Not that I’d say it to his face but it kind of hurt, you know? He’s my twin brother, knowing he didn’t trust me wasn’t a very happy realization.”

“He didn’t trust anyone,” Tommy admitted, “Not even Tubbo who’s been with us since the beginning… I think. Not sure. Myn memory is kinda shit at the moment. The only one he trusted at all was me. I don’t know why. Maybe… maybe it’s because alive Wilbur wasn’t the nicest person.”

Techno raised an eyebrow at Tommy’s admission, “What do you mean? Did something happen while I was off in the potato war or something?”

“I don’t know how it started,” Tommy frowned, trying to think, “But even during the first war, he was kinda off. I think he had trust issues or some shit. He wouldn’t trust me to be in the war until I gave up my home in the SMP lands. Told me I wasn’t serious enough.”

“What?” Techno asked, sounding somewhat alarmed.

“Then he made me his right hand man but got mad whenever I tried to do something to help. He told me I was too impulsive and aggressive. If I got into a problem he told me it was my job to get myself out. Constantly said I didn’t speak for him. All I wanted was to make him proud.”

“Tommy, that sounds like manipulation,” Techno said in a hushed voice, was Wilbur manipulating you?”

Tommy couldn’t understand the look on Techno’s face, and he scrambled to come up with an answer.

“No!” he called out, “No, of course not. Wilbur didn’t manipulate me, he was my brother. After we won, he made me his vice president! We were happy! I was happy, that isn’t manipulation.”

“Then why do you remember it, Tommy?”

Tommy faltered, “What?”

“If you were so happy back then, then why can you even tell me about it? You only remember the bad things, Toms. You said it yourself, your memory isn’t coming back, so why can you remember that so clearly?”

“No, that can’t be it,” Tommy muttered, trying to think of an excuse. His thoughts found one, and he said it triumphantly, “If he manipulated me, how come it wasn’t the same as when Dream did it, huh? When Dream manipulated me, it was so much worse. Wilbur never tried to…” he trailed off, about to say that Wilbur had never tried to make him believe that his friends hated him. Hadn’t that been exactly what he’d done when he said that they couldn’t trust anyone? “I mean, he didn’t put me in…” That wasn’t right either. Wilbur had put him in plenty of dangerous situations, and had never tried to help him out of them. That duel against Dream when Tommy had almost died for the first time in his life… the whole time, Wilbur had been staring at him with a disappointed expression painted on his face. It had been awful.

Finally, he latched onto it, “Wilbur never made me want to kill myself!”

Techno stood up quickly, eyes widening in shock, “Tommy, please tell me—”

“Yeah! Wilbur never did that. With Dream it was like that every day. I mean, heck, I considered jumping in off those nether bridges so many times. Sometimes I think the only thing that kept me going was the thought of seeing Tubbo on Christmas, and then Dream fucking killed me! If I had known he was going to do that, I probably would have jumped so that I could escape that hell sooner.”

“Tommy!” Techno yelled, “Dream didn’t… he didn’t really make you think that way, did he?”

Tommy blinked a few times, “Of course he did. He told me I was his friend, but he burned my things almost every day. He told me nobody other than him cared when he sabotaged my beach party. He said that I deserved my punishment, you know? Of course I fucking wanted to die.”

Suddenly he found himself wrapped in a hug, and the tears came streaming down his face. He didn’t understand why Technoblade was acting like this. Had he said something wrong? Why was it that Techno was rubbing his back in a comforting way as Tommy sobbed into his shoulder? It didn’t seem right.

“Tommy,” Techno muttered, “Tubbo gave me the job of killing Dream at the festival. I’ll make him pay for what he did to you. If I had known he was making you feel that way, I would have been there for you. I would have taken you in much sooner. You’d still be here.”

“I am still here, Techno.”

“I meant… I meant fully here. Not a ghost. Not some scared dead guy, but a guy with happy memories. My little brother. The guy I knew growing up. You were just a kid, you didn’t deserve that.”

They sat there in silence for a few moments before a creaking noise startled them both, and they tried to regain some form of composure as Tubbo’s face peaked into the room.

“Is this a bad time?” he asked, notably wearing his old green button down rather than his suit that Tommy was so accustomed to seeing him in in the bad memories and now in person. He barely knew this old button down, but he had a few glimpses of it. A vague image of a time before the two of them had first donned those L’manberg uniforms and marched off to war. It was still buttoned messily as it almost always was, as if Tubbo had never quite learned which button went in which place and had just given up on figuring it out. Or maybe he wore it that way because it reminded him of a simpler time. A time when Tubbo hadn’t been forced to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“It’s fine,” Tommy said, wiping away a ghostly tear and pretending he hadn’t been crying a moment before. He stood up from the ground and Techno followed his example, trying not to look at Tubbo. Tommy realized something Techno had once told him. He didn’t like to show weakness around those he didn’t trust completely. Tubbo was in that category, still the leader of a government. Techno didn’t seem quite as wary as before, however. Tommy didn’t remember much of what was said last night, but something must have caused his brother to see his friend in a new light.

“As soon as we’ve managed to take Dream out,” Tubbo said, as if he was mustering up the courage to say these next few words, “I’m going to formally step down as president of L’manberg and dismantle the government.”

Tommy stared at him in stunned silence, unsure what had brought on this sudden decision.

“L’manberg can exist as a place, sure, but not as a government any longer. I can’t stand to see more people hurt because of the government that I helped to put in power. The government that I currently run.”

He turned to face Technoblade, “I know that you were probably planning on blowing this place up as soon as we no longer had a common interest, but now you won’t have to. This place can just be a settlement, no laws, no dictators. Nobody is going to be the next Wilbur or Schlatt anymore. That cursed presidency will be over for good as soon as Dream is dead.”

Techno was the first to speak up after an eerily long silence, “Have you told Quackity about this yet? Or any of the other members of the cabinet?”

“Not yet,” Tubbo sighed, “and I have a feeling they won’t be very happy. I’m going to tell them tonight when we meet to fine tune the festival planning. I just have to hope they respect my decision.”

“After you’ve stepped down,” Tommy asked, “will you stay here, or go somewhere else?”

Tubbo shook his head sadly, “Too many bad memories here. I’ve been thinking, maybe Techno didn’t have such a bad idea when it came to that place out in the snow. I think I’ll build a little house out there, maybe even a village if anyone wants to join me. No government though,” he promised, seeing Techno’s wary look.

“And what would such a village be called?” Techno asked. Tommy could hear the curiosity in his voice.

“I think I like the name Snowchester. It’s simple, just like it should be.”

Tommy nodded approvingly, “It sounds nice. I hope one day, it becomes real and I can visit.”

Tubbo’s face fell, “Visit? I assumed… nevermind. It’s alright.”

“I know, Tubbo.” Tommy reached out a ghostly hand and pressed it to Tubbo’s cheek, noticing how his friend shivered at his touch, “You want me to move in with you there. It’s not that I don’t want to. One day, I think I will live there, but not straight away. After Dream is gone, I have to figure things out for myself a little bit. Stay in L’manberg for a while, rebuild my old home, apologize for some of the things I’ve done wrong. Plus, I think my family and I will need some time to reconnect. It’s been a while since we could just exist as a family, nobody trying to kill each other or focused on avenging another’s death. I’d like to spend some time rebuilding what we used to have, even if I don’t remember it much.”

“I understand,” Tubbo said glumly, “so I guess we’ll be going our separate ways for a while after we succeed.”

“Only until our paths cross again. I may not remember much, Tubbo, but I have a feeling the universe always tries to push us back together. No matter how much time we spend apart, we’ll always find eachother again. We’re best friends after all.”

“Yeah,” Tubbo said, a sad smile on his face, “best friends.”

The three of them seemed at peace for a couple of minutes, but were abruptly interrupted by Fundy bursting into the room, wearing a panicked expression on his face. He was out of breath, and looked like he’d just seen a ghost.

“Need your help,” he said, “Dream’s here. He’s just realized Ghostbur escaped from the nether.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If updates of this fic become less frequent it's simply because I've started a second fic called Immortals. It's an SBI gods AU. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as you like this one.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for giving this little fic a chance! I really hope you stick around for the rest of it, because I think the idea I came up with for this story is really cool.


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